resignation

promos creeping closer. i am undaunted. i feel nothing at the prospects of me retaining. i give up. my mind and body is failing me. carn study, carn focus. carn sleep well.


unusual trend observed. My chest pains and my itch came around the same time last year. i was never so influenced by emotions before. everyday is a battle, a struggle to stay happy. and heck no, i live in a wonderful family. I have almost all i want.

my mind seem to enjoy throwing tantrums, blanking out. just refusing to allow the faacts to sink in. what is this? mental illness? maybe. lets give you several examples. a recent one. chem spa. was doing well, until calculations. basic stoichiometry. blanked out. my mind was empty. panicked. panicked. what happen what happen? why? thankfully after some time, the shroud cleared. the equation is just there, staring right at me, under my nose. I could just use it straight away.

another one. a general one. Maths. It was one of my best subjects. yet, i do not understand things in lecture. there was never a tutorial in this whole year that i could gain some knowledge from it. nothing.

i want to say more. whats the use of my blabbering here? like some lunatic? asking for sympathy? im on my road to destruction. myself that is. what a useless prick i am. i bet you all will just press the x button right? come here see thsi kind of depressing things?